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Dear Married Men, Please Get Off Dating Apps!

Recently, some girls at my work were complaining to death about how fucked up these married men who “hang out” in the dating apps are. When asked, most girls have experienced being hit on by a married man at least once in their lifetime. Especially when they participate in the online dating pool, it’s sad to see how many girls fall for the trap and need years to recover from the trauma.

Yes, I meant it when I said it could be something traumatic. There are just too many mixed feelings when this happens. And things can get very complicated.

When I was 20, a married man liked to text me daily, but of course, he didn’t disclose his relationship status with me, until months later when I fell for him. I found out he was married with four kids.

Though the experience didn’t come from online dating, the trauma is still the same; you get involved with someone else’s husband, and nothing feels worse than that.

It’s Not the Women’s Fault, but They Might Still Feel Guilty

The problem with these married men being on online dating is, they are never transparent with the woman he’s talking to. From his bio to how he talks clearly states he’s single.

We, women, like to think, “otherwise, why is he here, right?”

But the cold-hard truth is, many of them are there to escape the boredom in their marriage. They play with the words game and see who will take the bait. But we already know not many women are 100% secure and know what they want — which is the best target for such men.

And once those women fall into the trap, the men start playing with their emotions too. He pulls the hot and cold card. And make it complicated for the women to connect on a deeper level and hard to let go at the same time.

When the day comes, and the woman finds out he’s apparently married, there’s this a bit of guilt and she wishes she knew about it sooner. I know this because I’ve been there.

Never in my life have I had any intention to hurt other women and take away what’s hers, but on the other hand, it’s never our fault in the first place. That’s why as women if we aren’t being proactive, we might never know if we are with the right man.

The Impacts on Women’s Mental Health Are Real

One colleague who shared her experience last night told me how she developed some trust issues from it to the point where she doesn’t even want to be in any online dating apps anymore.

She’s pretty much done with men — she doesn’t think there’s any good one out there. Seeing women losing hopes like this always makes me feel sad. I know there’s someone out there who genuinely can love her — someone who’s not married. But of course, this isn’t new. This happens a lot to young women, especially ones in their twenties.

Some can heal faster when they meet the right person afterward, and some have to live with the trauma for the rest of their lives. And in most cases, once you’re deeply involved with a married man, trying to let it go is always tricky. There are a lot of emotional manipulations involved, and they can mess up your self-esteem.

Aside from it, you also become very pessimistic if there’s indeed a healthy relationship for you. Feeling secure will be the hardest thing you can do in your love life.

Signs He’s a Married Man

We need to talk more about this. Many young women who just started in online dating apps can’t read the warning signs. I don’t blame them — I was like that too before. But the more we see the pattern, the better we are at identifying one and clicking that “skip” button.

Some signs you can be aware of if you’re currently on dating apps:

  • He barely talks about his personal life and goes straight to his needs (can be sexual/emotional).

  • When asked about his status, you can feel he isn’t honest with his answer, so never ignore your gut.

  • He can’t meet you in public places — so mostly he’ll ask to meet in your place or in a hotel.

  • He’s being sneaky when he’s with you (i.e., being on the phone or constantly texting someone)

  • Lastly, he doesn’t have any goals being in a dating app; he just wants to “participate and see.”

The Bottom Line

Overall, if you happen to meet one of these married men while trying your luck on the dating apps, I’m truly sorry — you never deserve it in the first place. I know they are still out there trying to waste our time and there's only so much we can do to stop them from coming in.

It’s also a reminder that no matter how good it feels, the consequences are just too big and not worth your mental health. So why not look at the right place instead? A place that's more promising with no scammers or married men around. Capital City Exclusive runs background checks so if the report shows that the man applying for matchmaking is married they immediately deny his membership. Keeping their members safe from the emotional distress that this causes to both men and women alike.

Here at Capital City Exclusive, we help single people like you find the right person that will highly invest in you just as much as you do. Contact Capital City Exclusive now at (916) 949–5133 or send an email to us at to meet quality singles in Sacramento.

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