The Hard Truth About Online Dating No One Tells You
Dating online is easy, all you need is to swipe right, and that’s it, right?
Well, if that’s the case, then many people would’ve been in a happy relationship right now.
But the fact is, it’s so hard to even find people who want to have a proper conversation. The guys are too busy asking for a one-night stand, the girls are too lazy to put an effort to make the conversation interesting.
I’ve had too many friends who quit and uninstalled the App. “It’s too stressful,” they said. They’re now so convinced that dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble are just a waste of time.
However, someone who’s still new in the online dating world might not have an idea why it can be bad for your mental health. It’s certainly not for someone who wants to get married asap.
You can be investing too much without anything in return.
Let’s talk about being ghosted.
You can never be in the online dating game without having that experience at least once. You liked the person, and you both talked for hours over the phone. You thought he was cute, and it’s time to meet in real life.
Once the first date happened, you felt like you were in love with this person. He’s everything you needed and wanted. Then two days later, he didn’t reply or pick up your call.
He’s just gone — poof.
Then you checked his Instagram account — only to see him posting stories with other girls. So you came to the conclusion that he wasn’t “busy”, he ghosted you. He’s too coward to say “no.”
It sucks, I know. But I can assure you that you aren’t alone. So many people who are in the dating App have had this experience. That’s why you shouldn’t invest too much and instead expect the worst scenarios until someone literally puts the effort to get serious with you.
You don’t know if you’re just somebody’s backup plan.
When I tried using Tinder back then, I never felt secure because I knew he talked to different girls too. And that’s what made me hold back my feelings a lot. I didn’t want to expect too much and look stupid.
But this is the common thing about doing online dating. You can’t expect you’re special — even if they told you so.
As long as they’re still inside the App and actively seeking, there’s always someone “better.” So it’s expected that they are always talking to multiple people at the same time. If you bring that up, they’ll call you aggressive.
That reality is not meant to discourage you, it’s just a reminder that you shouldn’t fall for someone too fast as it’s harder to move on once you already have feelings for them.
The trust issue is real, and there’s only so much you can do about it.
The other day my co-worker told me that she couldn’t trust her boyfriend. She saw him still having the Bumble app on his phone. They’ve been dating for a couple of months now.
Should she be worried? Of course. But also, it’s not something surprising.
Many people who don’t have the intention to get serious with their new partner wouldn’t want to delete the App right away. In their defense, it’s going to take time to commit fully.
But this is what actually ruins the relationship in the long run. When there’s a fight or a bad argument happens, it’ll be hard to resist going back into the online dating pool.
I’ve heard many cases where couples who met online ended up breaking up because one person cheated with someone new they met on the same App.
It’s just a never-ending game. You need to make a massive change to break this pattern, and one of them is deleting the App once you find someone you like and putting your best effort into making it work.
But make sure your new partner is also doing the same thing. Otherwise, your relationship will be forever haunted by the trust issue.
Overall, it’s like a gamble — but you need to be ready to lose.
Keep your expectations low and your confidence high — that’s how you’re going to win in this game.
You need to expect that you aren’t someone’s special until they prove it to you, but you also need to stay confident because no one likes engaging with insecure people.
Online dating is such a cruel world for those who have too many expectations. They’ll end up breaking their own heart over and over again. Then wonder why they are still single after so many encounters. But they forgot at the end of the day, it’s just a game. They shouldn’t take it too seriously.
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